“How are you?” is a question we all ask each other pretty much every day.
But how often do we tell the truth? My automatic response is always “I’m good thanks, how are you?”
Recently, it’s been a blatant lie.
I’m not good.
I’m not ok.
Everyday has been a battle.
To get out of bed, to get dressed, to speak to people, to go to work. God, what an effort it has been.
I cried today.
I cried yesterday.
I’ve cried every day for at least a month.
I know i’m not the only one who feels like this but at the time, you feel alone.
I want to seem like my life is sussed. That I can do it all. That I can be a single mum, still work, still be there for my daughter, and still have some kind of social life.
But I can’t. I can’t do it all. Something always has to give. I feel guilty all the time for everything. For going to work, for not having dinner prepared in advance, for not having the housework done, for not having the energy to play with Martha after a hard day because i’m physically exhausted, for not being unpacked yet since we moved in. I look around and just feel overwhelmed.
Yes, my hypothyroidism plays a big part with the physical exhaustion, but I can usually identify and manage that .
This has been different.
My anxiety has been through the roof.
A constant knot in my stomach. All day. Every single day.
I’m there for any friend or family member, at any time but i’ve realised I haven’t been there for myself. I haven’t been taking the time I need to make sure i’m sleeping properly, eating properly. I haven’t even been blogging because I feel like I have nothing to say.
So enough is enough.
I’m taking time. Whether it’s a few days or a few weeks off work, I don’t know yet but i’m taking time to get on top of things, and to look after myself.
I’m setting myself just one task each da to get on top of all the household jobs….i know I will then feel less trapped.
This blog is by no means a sympathy post but my hope is that some of my followers will read it and realise they aren’t alone.
It’s ok not to cope all the time.
It’s ok to burn out and take some time to re-charge.
It’s ok to go and get your hair done or get a massage or just sit in your pj’s for a day.
I’m so lucky I have an amazing support network and even at 31, cry on the phone to my Mum.
Unless we look after ourselves, we can’t look after anyone else. I need to start self- love again and try to leave th guilt behind.
So do you. I know you can….
We can do it together.
Much Love. ❤