Accept yourself. ❤

Something amazing just happened….

I go abroad in 5 days and i’ve been putting off trying on all the swimwear I bought for fear of….well…hating myself again.

I mean, most of it doesn’t leave much to the imagination so there is no way of getting away from the stretch marks, the rolls, the cellulite.

I’ve pushed the idea of it to the back of my mind because I didn’t want to have to face up the disaster and have a complete freak out before I even got there.

I want to enjoy the break.

I want to enjoy the heat, without feeling the need to cover up my arms, stomach and legs.

I want to lie on a sun lounger, reading a book and drinking a cocktail without worrying about who is looking at me and what they’re thinking.

And do you know what?

I honestly think I will. 😁

I tried on every swimsuit, every bikini….and it was OK.

Ok” maybe doesn’t sound that fantastic but for me it really is.

My body hasn’t changed much recently and i’m nowhere near where I want to be, but I think i’ve accepted that the way it looks, every jiggle, every wobble, every thigh clap when I sit down is just ME!

Will I have moments of doubt when i’m over there? Of course.

Will I be smearing myself in anti-chafing gel so I don’t end up red raw? You betcha! 😁😁

And do you know what? There is nothing wrong with that. I’ll be in a place surrounded by all different shapes and sizes and i’ll feel “OK” which for me, is everything……

STOP thinking you can’t wear certain clothes.

STOP comparing your body to someone else’s.

STOP feeling unworthy.

I guarantee that if you put on that one thing in your wardrobe that you always chicken out of wearing, you will get compliments, because you will be oozing a confidence you didn’t even know you had!

BE present.

BE self loving.

BE kind.

Much Love xx

You can’t pretend.

As I handed my wedding bouquet to Martha for her pretend wedding, I was filled with a mix of emotion.Joy, at seeing her face light up and sadness when remembering when I stood there holding it saying “I do”.Moments like those, you think will last forever. I remember the emotion of saying my vows and meaning every word.Despite all that has happened and deciding that we weren’t forever as we planned, I still hold that day so close to my heart.I’ll never regret it.It would have been easy to throw away everything related to the wedding and pretend it didn’t happen, to shut myself off from the pain of the memories. But it happened. It was a massive event in my life.Today, as Martha is looking through the wedding album, i’m so glad that I kept everything. I want her to always believe in the magic of marriage. I want her to always imagine walking down the ailse. I want her to see the happiness in our eyes and know that she too, can have that.I’ll always be honest with her. When we get married, we want it to be forever, but none of us know what the future will bring.So my point is this.Martha will grow up looking at my wedding album and i’ll always be honest with her. She will always know that she came from a marriage that, back then was filled with love.It may not have lasted, but our love for her always will ❤Take a moment.Remember that day.Don’t block it out and pretend it didn’t happen. We grow from every experience we have and they make us who we are.We don’t always know what will happen but it’s up to us to make sure that we do what feels right at the time and follow our hearts. ❤We only get once chance at life.Much Love xx

Give yourself a round of applause…

In 4 weeks time, I get to stand by my best friends side as she says “I do“. I am so honoured, humbled and excited that I get to be a bridesmaid to her.

With the excitement though, comes some anxiety.

Not for the wedding, or the day, but for the fact that i’ll be going abroad for the first time in 11 years…and that I have to wear a swimsuit 😬.

I haven’t been looking after myself as I should. I’ve been eating all the wrong things, I haven’t been sleeping well and have just let everything else take priority above myself.

I have taken massive steps in terms of my confidence and have been pushing myself out of my comfort zone and wearing what I want, rather than just to cover up.

A bikini, or a swimsuit is a whole other matter though.

Wearing a swimsuit is the reason I haven’t been near a pool in over a decade. When I see it written in black and white, I know it’s ludicrous.

Why should it matter if I don’t have a thigh gap, or that my boobs aren’t up under my chin, or that my cellulite is exposed.

Do you know what? It actually doesn’t. I’ve had stern words with myself whilst looking at swimwear online and i’ve decided enough is enough.

I WILL be sitting beside the pool, reading a book with my 5th pina colada of the day. I’m not there to impress anyone. I’m not there to justify my body or size to anyone.

I’m there to relax. To breathe. To be grateful. To be present.

When I sit down and my thighs clap together, i’m just going to take that as my body giving me a round of applause for being alive. ❤

When my boobs hang to the side when I lie down, i’ll just think of them as my very own built in pool floats 😂

So do it.

Throw off the sarong. Enjoy the heat. Let it all hang out and love your life.

We only get one…now where’s my credit card? 🤔

Much love. Xx