An accidental day…

This is how our day started and ended…

Snuggled up on the sofa watching a movie. Morning and Night.

We didn’t get dressed today…well not properly anyway. We put on our “exercise clothes” to do yoga this morning..(i’ve exercised for 3 days in a row now) 🤣

I don’t know about you, but when i’m at work I long for us to be together and then when we are, I sometimes feel anxious about how i’ll fill our day. How i’ll manage to have quality time and still get the chores done. There are days that fly by and days that I looong for her bed time.

Today was an accidental chilled day. No food shop needed, nothing planned. It was actually lovely. We played, we laughed, we watched too much telly and Martha had waaay to much time on her tablet.

Even with the stonking sore head I had this afternoon ( and still do) , I was so content.

I can’t actually remember the last time we had a full day in the house without having to nip out atleast once.

Especially now, with another lockdown in place, I think we can feel pressure to make every day stuck at home eventful and exciting…..I know I do. Sometimes it’s just impossible though. We can’t do it all.

Martha actually mentioned doing some school work today ( I know i’m lucky that she enjoys it) but I said no. Not today. We were having a day off today. It was lovely.

I didn’t feel bad she was on her tablet. I didn’t feel bad that we didn’t brush our teeth until the afternoon, and I didn’t feel bad that we didn’t go outside.

I enjoyed the conversations. I enjoyed the cuddles and for Gods sake don’t tell Martha, but I loved playing the BFG on her bedroom floor (obviously her hot water bottle was the B.F.G 💁‍♀️🤣)

For the first time in quite a while I wasn’t anxious. It was bliss.

Times right now are rubbish. But jusy remember that you’re allowed a day off. Just as we sometimes need a day off from parenting, we also need a day off from everything other than that. A day off from routine, from pressure, from structure. A day where anything goes.

An “accidental day”.

Be kind to yourself, please. Know how amazing you are and how well you’re doing.

Much love xxx

Leave yesterday where it was…

Well…..(sigh)….I could have written screeds about the second lockdown last night, but I didn’t want to put a more negative spin on what was already a worrying time.

So I waited. But the truth is, I WAS feeling negative. I had the same knot in my stomach that I had back in March. The same frog in my throat and the same thoughts swirling around in my head. All the “what if’s”.

The past wee while I had been feeling more optimistic about it all, especially after having the first dose of my vaccine….and then yesterday was like getting kicked in the guts again.

We were having a lovely time at the beach when I heard and the worries crept back in.

I don’t want to lose her.

I don’t want her to lose me. I’ve always had a huge fear of dying alone.

However, being on “Mum mode” meant I kept it all in so that she didn’t worry. I explained about lockdown again and how there would be no school for a while and no visits to Granny and Grandads. She takes it all in her stride. ❤

When she was tucked up safely in bed I let it out. I had a wee cry and then pulled myself together. I didn’t want to waken up this morning with the weight of the world on my shoulders.

All we can do is follow the guidance, do our very best to keep safe, keep in touch with each other and try to home school as best we can 🙄

I know it WILL all come good, but I just don’t know when and I don’t want to feel sad and negative the whole time.

So by all means have a wobble. It’s natural to worry, to panic, to overthink…….but we don’t want to let it control every day.

Leave yesterday where it was. Try not to worry about tomorrow.

Focus on today.

One day at a time.

I’m sending everyone the biggest of hugs.

What a world. (Sigh)

Much Love. Xxx

Look at how far you’ve come…

This picture popped up on my phone. A picture that I loathe, but in a strange way that i’m also grateful for. At a time in my life when, due to illness I had gained a huge amount of weight really quickly. At a time when my eyebrows were falling out, my body ached all over and I was also adjusting to becoming a Mum. At a time when I stopped going out much at all, stopped looking in the mirror and stopped loving myself.

I don’t recognise myself.

On a day like today, when i’ve been beating myself up all night because I went out for lunch with a friend and ate a burger…..i’m glad i’ve seen this.

It reminds me to focus on how far i’ve come. It reminds me to love myself. It reminds me that even on the bad days, I feel so much better than I did then. It reminds me to stop. To breathe and remember that that picture, was a small chapter of my life and to stop worrying about the fact i’ve not achieved everything I want to yet. It reminds me that my size was never the problem, my mind was.

And that goes for you too. If you’ve taken the time to read this, remember to be kind to yourself. Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

You are making it through a ridiculously hard, worrying year.

Whether it’s physically, emotionally, mentally or professionally.

Remember how far you’ve come.

Oh, here I am.

You are succeeding.

Much Love. Xxx

Let it go…

There are times when we are trapped in our own heads, fixating on the “what if’s” and the “why me’s”.

Driving ourselves crazy about things we cannot change.

For the past few weeks, i’ve been prisoner to my own thoughts, pondering about where things went wrong and why. Why I suddenly have to face a different future to the one I was expecting to have. I can’t lie. It’s not been easy to come to terms with. But I have.

Today, I had to let it go. I had to realise that I have to get out of my own head, reflect and move on.

I let go of any hurt, anger, confusion…and i’ve accepted that maybe……..just maybe, it’s happened for a reason yet to reveal itself.

We can’t live our lives to the fullest, if we are stuck on the things we can’t change. We might never have the answers we need. We might never understand, but we also might never get any kind of peace unless we let it go.

Always be you.

Always be authentic.

Always be kind.

If we do those things, the right people will want to surround us, be part of our lives, and help us to live the life we deserve to have.

Don’t hate.

Don’t dwell too much.

Don’t doubt how amazing you are.

Don’t focus on what you can’t change.

Just…..let it go…🥰

It won’t be easy. It will take time. But you WILL feel better. You will feel lighter and you will be stronger than ever before.

Much Love xxx