Today is what i’m calling my “recharge day”. It’s 12.55pm and I can proudly say I have done next to nothing 🥰 It’s rare.
I’ve been so stressed the past few days, which in turn has meant i’ve been overly emotional and not sleeping great. My time off work has not felt like a holiday at all.
Until today. 😁
I took Martha to school, came back home, kicked my shoes off and put my feet up for 3 whole hours. I have watched rubbish telly, ignored my phone beeping and just enjoyed being in my own company…..I might go wild later and shave my legs 😁..the day is my oyster 🤣
If you’ve been running on empty, make sure you take time to recharge. Even if it’s only for a little while. You’re allowed. It’s ok. Everything else can wait until tomorrow. ❤❤
You’re six. Six whole years of loving you, and even better than that, six whole years of you loving me.
It’s gone in the blink of an eye. I remember bringing you home from the hospital. A little 7lb 11oz bundle. Even when you had me up most of the night screaming bloody murder, my heart was so full. I can’t deny that by the 6th week of you screaming, the novely was wearing off 🙄🤣 but then you looked up at me with a beaming smile and I forgave you 😁❤
Now, i’m going to tell you a little secret because if my plan goes well, you’ll be reading this when you’re alot older and possibly going through a phase of hating me….(I know right? Impossible because i’m such a delight)
But anyway….the secret is…………………..
I love you. But hang on…there’s more.
6 years ago I gave you life but you also gave ME life. You honestly have no idea. I’m useless when you’re not around ( but don’t tell anyone) 🤫
Because of you, for the past six years I have had a reason to get out of bed every morning( even if I don’t want to) . I have a reason to cook. A reason to look after myself. A reason for breathing.
Even at six, you have the ability to know when I need a hug, need a laugh or just need to rest. You’re just so flipping amazing. Don’t get me wrong though…you drive me absolutely crazy with your need to correct me all the time ( even when i’m right) and the way you forget that i’m actually the parent 🙄
I hope when you’re reading this you look back and remember that your childhood was a happy one. A safe one and a loved one.
Snuggled up on the sofa watching a movie. Morning and Night.
We didn’t get dressed today…well not properly anyway. We put on our “exercise clothes” to do yoga this morning..(i’ve exercised for 3 days in a row now) 🤣
I don’t know about you, but when i’m at work I long for us to be together and then when we are, I sometimes feel anxious about how i’ll fill our day. How i’ll manage to have quality time and still get the chores done. There are days that fly by and days that I looong for her bed time.
Today was an accidental chilled day. No food shop needed, nothing planned. It was actually lovely. We played, we laughed, we watched too much telly and Martha had waaay to much time on her tablet.
Even with the stonking sore head I had this afternoon ( and still do) , I was so content.
I can’t actually remember the last time we had a full day in the house without having to nip out atleast once.
Especially now, with another lockdown in place, I think we can feel pressure to make every day stuck at home eventful and exciting…..I know I do. Sometimes it’s just impossible though. We can’t do it all.
Martha actually mentioned doing some school work today ( I know i’m lucky that she enjoys it) but I said no. Not today. We were having a day off today. It was lovely.
I didn’t feel bad she was on her tablet. I didn’t feel bad that we didn’t brush our teeth until the afternoon, and I didn’t feel bad that we didn’t go outside.
I enjoyed the conversations. I enjoyed the cuddles and for Gods sake don’t tell Martha, but I loved playing the BFG on her bedroom floor (obviously her hot water bottle was the B.F.G 💁♀️🤣)
For the first time in quite a while I wasn’t anxious. It was bliss.
Times right now are rubbish. But jusy remember that you’re allowed a day off. Just as we sometimes need a day off from parenting, we also need a day off from everything other than that. A day off from routine, from pressure, from structure. A day where anything goes.
An “accidental day”.
Be kind to yourself, please. Know how amazing you are and how well you’re doing.
Well…..(sigh)….I could have written screeds about the second lockdown last night, but I didn’t want to put a more negative spin on what was already a worrying time.
So I waited. But the truth is, I WAS feeling negative. I had the same knot in my stomach that I had back in March. The same frog in my throat and the same thoughts swirling around in my head. All the “what if’s”.
The past wee while I had been feeling more optimistic about it all, especially after having the first dose of my vaccine….and then yesterday was like getting kicked in the guts again.
We were having a lovely time at the beach when I heard and the worries crept back in.
I don’t want to lose her.
I don’t want her to lose me. I’ve always had a huge fear of dying alone.
However, being on “Mum mode” meant I kept it all in so that she didn’t worry. I explained about lockdown again and how there would be no school for a while and no visits to Granny and Grandads. She takes it all in her stride. ❤
When she was tucked up safely in bed I let it out. I had a wee cry and then pulled myself together. I didn’t want to waken up this morning with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
All we can do is follow the guidance, do our very best to keep safe, keep in touch with each other and try to home school as best we can 🙄
I know it WILL all come good, but I just don’t know when and I don’t want to feel sad and negative the whole time.
So by all means have a wobble. It’s natural to worry, to panic, to overthink…….but we don’t want to let it control every day.
Leave yesterday where it was. Try not to worry about tomorrow.
This picture popped up on my phone. A picture that I loathe, but in a strange way that i’m also grateful for. At a time in my life when, due to illness I had gained a huge amount of weight really quickly. At a time when my eyebrows were falling out, my body ached all over and I was also adjusting to becoming a Mum. At a time when I stopped going out much at all, stopped looking in the mirror and stopped loving myself.
On a day like today, when i’ve been beating myself up all night because I went out for lunch with a friend and ate a burger…..i’m glad i’ve seen this.
It reminds me to focus on how far i’ve come. It reminds me to love myself. It reminds me that even on the bad days, I feel so much better than I did then. It reminds me to stop. To breathe and remember that that picture, was a small chapter of my life and to stop worrying about the fact i’ve not achieved everything I want to yet. It reminds me that my size was never the problem, my mind was.
And that goes for you too. If you’ve taken the time to read this, remember to be kind to yourself. Life is a marathon, not a sprint.
You are making it through a ridiculously hard, worrying year.
Whether it’s physically, emotionally, mentally or professionally.
There are times when we are trapped in our own heads, fixating on the “what if’s” and the “why me’s”.
Driving ourselves crazy about things we cannot change.
For the past few weeks, i’ve been prisoner to my own thoughts, pondering about where things went wrong and why. Why I suddenly have to face a different future to the one I was expecting to have. I can’t lie. It’s not been easy to come to terms with. But I have.
Today, I had to let it go. I had to realise that I have to get out of my own head, reflect and move on.
I let go of any hurt, anger, confusion…and i’ve accepted that maybe……..just maybe, it’s happened for a reason yet to reveal itself.
We can’t live our lives to the fullest, if we are stuck on the things we can’t change. We might never have the answers we need. We might never understand, but we also might never get any kind of peace unless we let it go.
Always be you.
Always be authentic.
Always be kind.
If we do those things, the right people will want to surround us, be part of our lives, and help us to live the life we deserve to have.
Don’t dwell too much.
Don’t doubt how amazing you are.
Don’t focus on what you can’t change.
Just…..let it go…🥰
It won’t be easy. It will take time. But you WILL feel better. You will feel lighter and you will be stronger than ever before.
There are days that are so good, we don’t want them to end and there are days that we can’t wait to be over.
The excitement of having the kids settled in bed, time to watch some trash telly before dragging our exhausted backsides to bed thinking “What a day….thank God that’s over”.
That’s just life, right? Good days and not so good days.
For me, today was a not so good day. Physically I was really struggling. Mentally, I felt drained. It was nothing to do with work, or kids….just the day. But I put up, showed up and got through the working day as best as I could
I don’t write alot about my Hypothyroidism because, well…I don’t really know why…but today it was the cause of all the pain I was in. The exhaustion I felt and the reason I couldn’t plaster a smile on my face and pretend everything was fine like I would usually do. I’m used to the pain and tiredness it provides on a daily basis but occassionally, the absolute turd of a gland in my neck likes to remind me how much it has changed me. Physically and mentally….as if I could ever forget.
However, todays blog isn’t a “woe is me” type thing and i’m not going to witter on about it. My point, is that I’ve almost made it through a really hard day. I know it will pass. I know that my hair falling out, my eyebrows falling out, the extreme pain and fatigue won’t last forever..tomorrow will hopefully be better and by next week, i’ll be running about like a mad woman again ( figuratively speaking as one does not run) my eyebrows will be back “on fleek” and i’ll waken up in less pain.
I also remind myself on days like today that I don’t have to pretend to be ok. I’m allowed to feel what I feel, but I also always remember that it could be so much worse. It’s really true when they say that there is always someone worse off than yourself. But even though that’s true, it doesn’t make your feeling invalid. Remember that.
If you’ve had a hard day…for whatever reason, just remember that you’ve done it.