I FORCED myself to get out of bed today.

I FORCED myself to clean the bathroom.

I FORCED myself to play Anna and Elsa with Martha when really all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry.

I FORCED myself to strip the beds and launder them.

Some days are just harder than others. Not just for me, but for you too i’m sure.

The days when you feel like time is going so slowly.

The days when you feel like nothing is right and there doesn’t even have to be a reason.

The days when you are lying wide awake at 1am because your mind is just swirling around and around.

The days when you just want to be alone, but also hate being alone.

Relate?

I apologised to Martha today. She was doing absolutely nothing wrong. She was being 4. She was being excitable. She was being her most amazing self.

I, on the other hand was tired, and grumpy and impatient. I had the beds to strip and the bathroom to clean and the washing up to do. I had to drag her around the shop whilst I was deciding on paint for the hallway.

But rather than being difficult and moany like she would have had every right to do, she looked up at me from the shopping trolley and said “Mummy, I just love your face”. ❤

Despite everything, even on the days when I feel like all I do is shout, she loves my face. On the days when i’m sad or hurting, she loves my face.

On the days when I’m disappointed that my plans have fallen through. She loves my face.

There is no judgement, no holding grudges, she just “loves my face”.

So remember, it doesn’t matter if you sometimes feel like you’ve failed. If like me, you’ve gone to bed and forgotten to put the bedding back on so are sleeping on a bare mattress with a bare quilt 🙄😂

If you’ve not managed to tick off any boxes from your To-Do list.

If you’re feeling disappointed, frustrated, stressed, depressed…..it really is OK.

Know why?

We are human.

We can plaster a smile on our faces, hide our struggles and pains with humour, we can feel like lying in a dark room for a week.

We can laugh,

We can cry,

We can shout,

We can fail because at the end of the hardest days, there will always be someone who “loves your face” ❤

Remember that.

Cherish it.

Don’t ever feel alone.

Much love xxx

“How are you?” is a question we all ask each other pretty much every day.

But how often do we tell the truth? My automatic response is always “I’m good thanks, how are you?”

Recently, it’s been a blatant lie.

I’m not good.

I’m not ok.

Everyday has been a battle.

To get out of bed, to get dressed, to speak to people, to go to work. God, what an effort it has been.

I cried today.

I cried yesterday.

I’ve cried every day for at least a month.

I know i’m not the only one who feels like this but at the time, you feel alone.

I want to seem like my life is sussed. That I can do it all. That I can be a single mum, still work, still be there for my daughter, and still have some kind of social life.

But I can’t. I can’t do it all. Something always has to give. I feel guilty all the time for everything. For going to work, for not having dinner prepared in advance, for not having the housework done, for not having the energy to play with Martha after a hard day because i’m physically exhausted, for not being unpacked yet since we moved in. I look around and just feel overwhelmed.

Yes, my hypothyroidism plays a big part with the physical exhaustion, but I can usually identify and manage that .

This has been different.

My anxiety has been through the roof.

A constant knot in my stomach. All day. Every single day.

I’m there for any friend or family member, at any time but i’ve realised I haven’t been there for myself. I haven’t been taking the time I need to make sure i’m sleeping properly, eating properly. I haven’t even been blogging because I feel like I have nothing to say.

So enough is enough.

I’m taking time. Whether it’s a few days or a few weeks off work, I don’t know yet but i’m taking time to get on top of things, and to look after myself.

I’m setting myself just one task each da to get on top of all the household jobs….i know I will then feel less trapped.

This blog is by no means a sympathy post but my hope is that some of my followers will read it and realise they aren’t alone.

It’s ok not to cope all the time.

It’s ok to burn out and take some time to re-charge.

It’s ok to go and get your hair done or get a massage or just sit in your pj’s for a day.

I’m so lucky I have an amazing support network and even at 31, cry on the phone to my Mum.

Unless we look after ourselves, we can’t look after anyone else. I need to start self- love again and try to leave th guilt behind.

So do you. I know you can….

We can do it together.

Much Love. ❤