I’ve started a few blogs in the past few days that I haven’t finished because my mind has been a jumble of thoughts.
I’ve been thinking a lot about resolutions and the emphasis put on them. Why wait for a New Year though? Change the things you want to change at any time. Only you can do it.
I could have promised that I would stop eating as much junk…but would have failed by Jan 2nd 🙈
I could have done the whole cliche of “i’m going to give up this…or that..” but I know it wouldn’t have gone well.
I have been reflecting a LOT. 2019 was a year of some major lows, but also some brilliant highs. Yes, i’m glad it’s over but I wouldn’t change it.
I realised that if I had to make a resolution, it would be to stop apologising for myself and to stop putting myself down. Not just for 2020 but for ever.
I’ve spent too long making jokes about myself as a defense mechanism. I’ve spent too long feeling embarrassed about my looks. I’ve spent too long apologising…….for being who I am.
My mindset has always naturally been more negative than positive. I was of the opinion that If I expect the worst of every situation then I can’t be disappointed. If I make jokes about myself then nobody else can. If I look at the floor when I walk into a room, then I can’t see people judging me.
It’s all crap.
I have taken some huge life changing steps this past year. I have cried more than I have done ever in my life, I’ve been scared, lonely, emotionally and physically exhausted but never once have I regretted the decisions i’ve made. I’ve also met some amazing new people. I’m putting myself out there-not just in the world of dating- but in every day life. I’m speaking out more if I have a problem with something. I’m gigging in a band. I’m realising more and more that I am more than capable of anything, and every experience I have good or bad teaches me something new about myself.
I have the most amazing family and friends. I have my own home, a job and a life that I know i’m lucky to have and this past year has really shown that I wouldn’t be who I am without the best people around me.
So this is it. I’m never going to apologise for writing my blog….if people don’t want to read it then that’s ok.
I’m never going to apologise for being tired and the housework not getting done.
I’m never going to apologise for not being a size 10…it has taken up too much of my time already.
I’m never going to apologise for having an off day, feeling overwhelmed, anxious or depressed.
And neither should you
Never apologise for being you. You have so much strength, so much ability. Maybe you are the quiet, almost distant type…that’s ok. Maybe you’re loud, outgoing and a little OTT. That’s ok too. There is no right or wrong.
Despite all our different personalities and traits, most of us just want the same thing. Happiness, contentment and someone to love, who loves us equally in return.
I know i’ll find those things…one day.
If you haven’t found it yet, you will.
Just keep being you. No apologies.
Much love xx