I haven’t been blogging recently because I feel like my mind has been a huge clutter of thoughts and emotions.
Between work and home i’ve been exhausted and overwhelmed. It can be easy to let things get on top of us and not take some time out.
Today I had the opportunity to get some much needed housework done whilst Martha is at her Dads, which allowed me to get it done without feeling guilty by not playing with her.
I didn’t have music on, I wasn’t singing. I was focusing on the tasks in hand and ticking them off one by one. Hurrah!
Afterwards though, I suppose all the thoughts i’d been pushing to the back of my mind for weeks came to the forefront. One in particular…
CHRISTMAS….that’s right, I said the “C Word” and it isn’t even October 😂
I’ve been inwardly worrying about it for a while, not just from the financial aspect but also knowing that it will be the first Christmas that i’ve spent on my own.
It’s my favourite time of year, and for me, Christmas is a day that’s full of magic and love. Being one of 5 siblings it was always carnage in our house with wrapping paper everywhere and lots and lots of noise!
This year is going to be different for me. Once all the magic of the santa presents is over, Martha will be going to spend time with her Dad and I will no doubt head over to my Mums for some food. That will be great but My Lord will I miss her. Seeing Christmas through a Childs eyes is the best part.😍
I know I will have a lovely time with my family but then it will be over, and it will be time for me to head home.
The more I think about it though, the more I think it will be fine. Yes, I might put on a soppy Christmas movie and cry my eyes out whilst stuffing my face with Marzipan, but it will be ok.
I’ll be alone, but I won’t be lonely and that’s the difference.
Being alone for me, is much better than being in a relationship and feeling lonely.
I’m not lonely.
I’m not sad.
In fact the longer i’m on my own, the more I realise it’s ok to be alone….but I won’t lie……I don’t want to be forever. ❤