It’s ok to be alone.

I haven’t been blogging recently because I feel like my mind has been a huge clutter of thoughts and emotions.

Between work and home i’ve been exhausted and overwhelmed. It can be easy to let things get on top of us and not take some time out.

Today I had the opportunity to get some much needed housework done whilst Martha is at her Dads, which allowed me to get it done without feeling guilty by not playing with her.

I didn’t have music on, I wasn’t singing. I was focusing on the tasks in hand and ticking them off one by one. Hurrah!

Afterwards though, I suppose all the thoughts i’d been pushing to the back of my mind for weeks came to the forefront. One in particular…

CHRISTMAS….that’s right, I said the “C Word” and it isn’t even October 😂

I’ve been inwardly worrying about it for a while, not just from the financial aspect but also knowing that it will be the first Christmas that i’ve spent on my own.

It’s my favourite time of year, and for me, Christmas is a day that’s full of magic and love. Being one of 5 siblings it was always carnage in our house with wrapping paper everywhere and lots and lots of noise!

This year is going to be different for me. Once all the magic of the santa presents is over, Martha will be going to spend time with her Dad and I will no doubt head over to my Mums for some food. That will be great but My Lord will I miss her. Seeing Christmas through a Childs eyes is the best part.😍

I know I will have a lovely time with my family but then it will be over, and it will be time for me to head home.

The more I think about it though, the more I think it will be fine. Yes, I might put on a soppy Christmas movie and cry my eyes out whilst stuffing my face with Marzipan, but it will be ok.

I’ll be alone, but I won’t be lonely and that’s the difference.

Being alone for me, is much better than being in a relationship and feeling lonely.

I’m not lonely.

I’m not sad.

In fact the longer i’m on my own, the more I realise it’s ok to be alone….but I won’t lie……I don’t want to be forever. ❤

Being a woman is hard: period.

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Not every blog starts with a picture of a uterus and a chainsaw…..but mine does.

To be honest, periods aren’t talked about enough. It’s the British thing I think of being very “hush hush” when it comes to anything to do with menstruation.

I mean for goodness sake, i’m 31 years old and I still get embarrassed about buying sanitary products, rushing them through the self-service checkout before anyone can see that i’ve bought products for a heavy flow. 😬

Yesterday was a bad day…it was the first day of my cycle and quite frankly, I felt like someone was stabbing me in the foof with a red hot poker, whilst simultaneously ramming a blow torch into my womb.

20 years.

20 years so far of experiencing periods…or “The Blob” as my ex used to call it 🤢

Subtracting the 9 months of my life that I was pregnant, that’s an average of 200 weeks of my life that have been hell.

Now I know some women sail through menstruation without side effects…but I don’t know many.

For me and many others it starts a rollercoaster of a week that you just dread 🙄

First: the tiredness. Jeezy peeps i’m surprised we can stay upright for as long as we do. With my hypothyroidism i’m used to feeling like i’ve been hit by a bus and have learned to function with it….but throw in a bloody great period and i’m useless.

Second: The bleed. The moment you go to the loo and think….”oh f@*k! You’re back again”

Third: The Pain. Now it isn’t a man’s fault that he can’t feel the pain we experience. It’s impossible. I’m pretty sure however that if he could feel a fraction of what we go through, he would be tucking us up every night with a blanket, a hot chocolate and a soppy movie.

Yesterday I had cramp from my head to my toes.

I felt dizzy.

I felt sick.

I felt hungry.

I ate my bodyweight in carbs.

I hated myself for eating my bodyweight in carbs.

I went to the loo about 25 times.

I laughed.

I cried.

I cried some more.

I remember all those years ago, being excited about getting my first period…I couldn’t wait.

Oh how naive I was 😂 😂

Take me back to the days when all we had to worry about was homework, and not sore boobs, sore backs, sore tummys, sore legs, hairs sprouting from everywhere……EVERYWHERE!

The days when you could stand up after a while without feeling like you’d wet yourself.

The days before asking friends to do a courtesy “bum check” just to make sure you haven’t leaked.

The days before PMS where you have to fight the urge not to smack everyone in the face for not even doing anything 🙈😂(we can’t help it guys…honest).

So as I sit here holding my front bum with one hand…and typing with the other, I have a few thoughts for the men out there.

Take a moment….

Look at the woman you have beside you and cherish her. You probably don’t realise the amount of discomfort she is in every month. Sometimes even more.

Love her. Protect her. Run her a hot bath. Give her a hot water bottle. Buy her all the comfort food she needs. Take the mood swings with a pinch of salt and know that she doesn’t mean it.

Women are heroes ❤

Much love, from a hormonal, menstruating #busyworkingmum. ❤