Today is what i’m calling my “recharge day”. It’s 12.55pm and I can proudly say I have done next to nothing 🥰 It’s rare.
I’ve been so stressed the past few days, which in turn has meant i’ve been overly emotional and not sleeping great. My time off work has not felt like a holiday at all.
Until today. 😁
I took Martha to school, came back home, kicked my shoes off and put my feet up for 3 whole hours. I have watched rubbish telly, ignored my phone beeping and just enjoyed being in my own company…..I might go wild later and shave my legs 😁..the day is my oyster 🤣
If you’ve been running on empty, make sure you take time to recharge. Even if it’s only for a little while. You’re allowed. It’s ok. Everything else can wait until tomorrow. ❤❤
You’re six. Six whole years of loving you, and even better than that, six whole years of you loving me.
It’s gone in the blink of an eye. I remember bringing you home from the hospital. A little 7lb 11oz bundle. Even when you had me up most of the night screaming bloody murder, my heart was so full. I can’t deny that by the 6th week of you screaming, the novely was wearing off 🙄🤣 but then you looked up at me with a beaming smile and I forgave you 😁❤
Now, i’m going to tell you a little secret because if my plan goes well, you’ll be reading this when you’re alot older and possibly going through a phase of hating me….(I know right? Impossible because i’m such a delight)
But anyway….the secret is…………………..
I love you. But hang on…there’s more.
6 years ago I gave you life but you also gave ME life. You honestly have no idea. I’m useless when you’re not around ( but don’t tell anyone) 🤫
Because of you, for the past six years I have had a reason to get out of bed every morning( even if I don’t want to) . I have a reason to cook. A reason to look after myself. A reason for breathing.
Even at six, you have the ability to know when I need a hug, need a laugh or just need to rest. You’re just so flipping amazing. Don’t get me wrong though…you drive me absolutely crazy with your need to correct me all the time ( even when i’m right) and the way you forget that i’m actually the parent 🙄
I hope when you’re reading this you look back and remember that your childhood was a happy one. A safe one and a loved one.
This picture popped up on my phone. A picture that I loathe, but in a strange way that i’m also grateful for. At a time in my life when, due to illness I had gained a huge amount of weight really quickly. At a time when my eyebrows were falling out, my body ached all over and I was also adjusting to becoming a Mum. At a time when I stopped going out much at all, stopped looking in the mirror and stopped loving myself.
On a day like today, when i’ve been beating myself up all night because I went out for lunch with a friend and ate a burger…..i’m glad i’ve seen this.
It reminds me to focus on how far i’ve come. It reminds me to love myself. It reminds me that even on the bad days, I feel so much better than I did then. It reminds me to stop. To breathe and remember that that picture, was a small chapter of my life and to stop worrying about the fact i’ve not achieved everything I want to yet. It reminds me that my size was never the problem, my mind was.
And that goes for you too. If you’ve taken the time to read this, remember to be kind to yourself. Life is a marathon, not a sprint.
You are making it through a ridiculously hard, worrying year.
Whether it’s physically, emotionally, mentally or professionally.
There are times when we are trapped in our own heads, fixating on the “what if’s” and the “why me’s”.
Driving ourselves crazy about things we cannot change.
For the past few weeks, i’ve been prisoner to my own thoughts, pondering about where things went wrong and why. Why I suddenly have to face a different future to the one I was expecting to have. I can’t lie. It’s not been easy to come to terms with. But I have.
Today, I had to let it go. I had to realise that I have to get out of my own head, reflect and move on.
I let go of any hurt, anger, confusion…and i’ve accepted that maybe……..just maybe, it’s happened for a reason yet to reveal itself.
We can’t live our lives to the fullest, if we are stuck on the things we can’t change. We might never have the answers we need. We might never understand, but we also might never get any kind of peace unless we let it go.
Always be you.
Always be authentic.
Always be kind.
If we do those things, the right people will want to surround us, be part of our lives, and help us to live the life we deserve to have.
Don’t dwell too much.
Don’t doubt how amazing you are.
Don’t focus on what you can’t change.
Just…..let it go…🥰
It won’t be easy. It will take time. But you WILL feel better. You will feel lighter and you will be stronger than ever before.
There are days that are so good, we don’t want them to end and there are days that we can’t wait to be over.
The excitement of having the kids settled in bed, time to watch some trash telly before dragging our exhausted backsides to bed thinking “What a day….thank God that’s over”.
That’s just life, right? Good days and not so good days.
For me, today was a not so good day. Physically I was really struggling. Mentally, I felt drained. It was nothing to do with work, or kids….just the day. But I put up, showed up and got through the working day as best as I could
I don’t write alot about my Hypothyroidism because, well…I don’t really know why…but today it was the cause of all the pain I was in. The exhaustion I felt and the reason I couldn’t plaster a smile on my face and pretend everything was fine like I would usually do. I’m used to the pain and tiredness it provides on a daily basis but occassionally, the absolute turd of a gland in my neck likes to remind me how much it has changed me. Physically and mentally….as if I could ever forget.
However, todays blog isn’t a “woe is me” type thing and i’m not going to witter on about it. My point, is that I’ve almost made it through a really hard day. I know it will pass. I know that my hair falling out, my eyebrows falling out, the extreme pain and fatigue won’t last forever..tomorrow will hopefully be better and by next week, i’ll be running about like a mad woman again ( figuratively speaking as one does not run) my eyebrows will be back “on fleek” and i’ll waken up in less pain.
I also remind myself on days like today that I don’t have to pretend to be ok. I’m allowed to feel what I feel, but I also always remember that it could be so much worse. It’s really true when they say that there is always someone worse off than yourself. But even though that’s true, it doesn’t make your feeling invalid. Remember that.
If you’ve had a hard day…for whatever reason, just remember that you’ve done it.
I’m sitting here in my flannel pyjama bottoms, a big bowl of cereal and watching Pride and Prejudice 🥰
And I feel……content. I know right? It shocked me too 🤣.
I’ve had an emotional rollercoaster the past wee while and to add to that, i’ve had severe Mum guilt about having to work during the holidays and not being able to do a fraction of the things I planned 😥
But. I’m not dwelling on what I can’t change. Guilt comes with the territory of parenthood…and will be part of my daily life forever 🙈😭🤣
For now? I’m enjoying this peaceful moment of drooling over Colin Firth….and I would definitely recommend doing the same if you need a wee pick me up!
Find the simple things that bring you comfort and enjoy them. A book, a film, a hot bath or like in my case, a handsome man emerging from a river in a loose white shirt. 🤣
Enjoy the small things and the simple moments that we usually take for granted. ❤