Noregrets

It’s ok to be alone.

Posted on by BusyMum

I haven’t been blogging recently because I feel like my mind has been a huge clutter of thoughts and emotions.

Between work and home i’ve been exhausted and overwhelmed. It can be easy to let things get on top of us and not take some time out.

Today I had the opportunity to get some much needed housework done whilst Martha is at her Dads, which allowed me to get it done without feeling guilty by not playing with her.

I didn’t have music on, I wasn’t singing. I was focusing on the tasks in hand and ticking them off one by one. Hurrah!

Afterwards though, I suppose all the thoughts i’d been pushing to the back of my mind for weeks came to the forefront. One in particular…

CHRISTMAS….that’s right, I said the “C Word” and it isn’t even October 😂

I’ve been inwardly worrying about it for a while, not just from the financial aspect but also knowing that it will be the first Christmas that i’ve spent on my own.

It’s my favourite time of year, and for me, Christmas is a day that’s full of magic and love. Being one of 5 siblings it was always carnage in our house with wrapping paper everywhere and lots and lots of noise!

This year is going to be different for me. Once all the magic of the santa presents is over, Martha will be going to spend time with her Dad and I will no doubt head over to my Mums for some food. That will be great but My Lord will I miss her. Seeing Christmas through a Childs eyes is the best part.😍

I know I will have a lovely time with my family but then it will be over, and it will be time for me to head home.

The more I think about it though, the more I think it will be fine. Yes, I might put on a soppy Christmas movie and cry my eyes out whilst stuffing my face with Marzipan, but it will be ok.

I’ll be alone, but I won’t be lonely and that’s the difference.

Being alone for me, is much better than being in a relationship and feeling lonely.

I’m not lonely.

I’m not sad.

In fact the longer i’m on my own, the more I realise it’s ok to be alone….but I won’t lie……I don’t want to be forever. ❤

Being a woman is hard: period.

Posted on by BusyMum

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Not every blog starts with a picture of a uterus and a chainsaw…..but mine does.

To be honest, periods aren’t talked about enough. It’s the British thing I think of being very “hush hush” when it comes to anything to do with menstruation.

I mean for goodness sake, i’m 31 years old and I still get embarrassed about buying sanitary products, rushing them through the self-service checkout before anyone can see that i’ve bought products for a heavy flow. 😬

Yesterday was a bad day…it was the first day of my cycle and quite frankly, I felt like someone was stabbing me in the foof with a red hot poker, whilst simultaneously ramming a blow torch into my womb.

20 years.

20 years so far of experiencing periods…or “The Blob” as my ex used to call it 🤢

Subtracting the 9 months of my life that I was pregnant, that’s an average of 200 weeks of my life that have been hell.

Now I know some women sail through menstruation without side effects…but I don’t know many.

For me and many others it starts a rollercoaster of a week that you just dread 🙄

First: the tiredness. Jeezy peeps i’m surprised we can stay upright for as long as we do. With my hypothyroidism i’m used to feeling like i’ve been hit by a bus and have learned to function with it….but throw in a bloody great period and i’m useless.

Second: The bleed. The moment you go to the loo and think….”oh f@*k! You’re back again”

Third: The Pain. Now it isn’t a man’s fault that he can’t feel the pain we experience. It’s impossible. I’m pretty sure however that if he could feel a fraction of what we go through, he would be tucking us up every night with a blanket, a hot chocolate and a soppy movie.

Yesterday I had cramp from my head to my toes.

I felt dizzy.

I felt sick.

I felt hungry.

I ate my bodyweight in carbs.

I hated myself for eating my bodyweight in carbs.

I went to the loo about 25 times.

I laughed.

I cried.

I cried some more.

I remember all those years ago, being excited about getting my first period…I couldn’t wait.

Oh how naive I was 😂 😂

Take me back to the days when all we had to worry about was homework, and not sore boobs, sore backs, sore tummys, sore legs, hairs sprouting from everywhere……EVERYWHERE!

The days when you could stand up after a while without feeling like you’d wet yourself.

The days before asking friends to do a courtesy “bum check” just to make sure you haven’t leaked.

The days before PMS where you have to fight the urge not to smack everyone in the face for not even doing anything 🙈😂(we can’t help it guys…honest).

So as I sit here holding my front bum with one hand…and typing with the other, I have a few thoughts for the men out there.

Take a moment….

Look at the woman you have beside you and cherish her. You probably don’t realise the amount of discomfort she is in every month. Sometimes even more.

Love her. Protect her. Run her a hot bath. Give her a hot water bottle. Buy her all the comfort food she needs. Take the mood swings with a pinch of salt and know that she doesn’t mean it.

Women are heroes ❤

Much love, from a hormonal, menstruating #busyworkingmum. ❤

 

 

Accept yourself. ❤

Posted on by BusyMum

Something amazing just happened….

I go abroad in 5 days and i’ve been putting off trying on all the swimwear I bought for fear of….well…hating myself again.

I mean, most of it doesn’t leave much to the imagination so there is no way of getting away from the stretch marks, the rolls, the cellulite.

I’ve pushed the idea of it to the back of my mind because I didn’t want to have to face up the disaster and have a complete freak out before I even got there.

I want to enjoy the break.

I want to enjoy the heat, without feeling the need to cover up my arms, stomach and legs.

I want to lie on a sun lounger, reading a book and drinking a cocktail without worrying about who is looking at me and what they’re thinking.

And do you know what?

I honestly think I will. 😁

I tried on every swimsuit, every bikini….and it was OK.

“Ok” maybe doesn’t sound that fantastic but for me it really is.

My body hasn’t changed much recently and i’m nowhere near where I want to be, but I think i’ve accepted that the way it looks, every jiggle, every wobble, every thigh clap when I sit down is just ME!

Will I have moments of doubt when i’m over there? Of course.

Will I be smearing myself in anti-chafing gel so I don’t end up red raw? You betcha! 😁😁

And do you know what? There is nothing wrong with that. I’ll be in a place surrounded by all different shapes and sizes and i’ll feel “OK” which for me, is everything……

STOP thinking you can’t wear certain clothes.

STOP comparing your body to someone else’s.

STOP feeling unworthy.

I guarantee that if you put on that one thing in your wardrobe that you always chicken out of wearing, you will get compliments, because you will be oozing a confidence you didn’t even know you had!

BE present.

BE self loving.

BE kind.

Much Love xx

You can’t pretend.

Posted on by BusyMum

As I handed my wedding bouquet to Martha for her pretend wedding, I was filled with a mix of emotion.Joy, at seeing her face light up and sadness when remembering when I stood there holding it saying “I do”.Moments like those, you think will last forever. I remember the emotion of saying my vows and meaning every word.Despite all that has happened and deciding that we weren’t forever as we planned, I still hold that day so close to my heart.I’ll never regret it.It would have been easy to throw away everything related to the wedding and pretend it didn’t happen, to shut myself off from the pain of the memories. But it happened. It was a massive event in my life.Today, as Martha is looking through the wedding album, i’m so glad that I kept everything. I want her to always believe in the magic of marriage. I want her to always imagine walking down the ailse. I want her to see the happiness in our eyes and know that she too, can have that.I’ll always be honest with her. When we get married, we want it to be forever, but none of us know what the future will bring.So my point is this.Martha will grow up looking at my wedding album and i’ll always be honest with her. She will always know that she came from a marriage that, back then was filled with love.It may not have lasted, but our love for her always will ❤Take a moment.Remember that day.Don’t block it out and pretend it didn’t happen. We grow from every experience we have and they make us who we are.We don’t always know what will happen but it’s up to us to make sure that we do what feels right at the time and follow our hearts. ❤We only get once chance at life.Much Love xx