Irreplaceable..

We all want and need different things out of a relationship. I guess there isn’t really a right or wrong, it’s down to that particular person.

For me, the one thing I need above all else is time. Time with that person. Laughing, making memories and being a priority to someone. I think it’s only natural to want someone to think about you πŸ’β€β™€οΈ.

It’s so nice to have. It’s so nice to feel important and to have the feeling that someone wants to make you smile.

It doesn’t have to be anything special or expensive. It doesn’t have to be all day or night. It can be jumping in the car and seeing where you end up. It could be sharing a bottle of wine whilst catching up with “Married at First Sight Australia” ( Other shows are available 🀣) or it could even be nipping to the supermarket together.

In and around all of these seemingly easy tasks there are moments. Moments in time that you keep a hold of. A smile. A joke. A look. Something that etches in your brain and creates a memory.

That’s what I need. That’s what I now have and it sometimes feels so strange, but in the best way.

Now don’t get me wrong, “stuff” can be nice. Getting things or gifts can be lovely and has it’s place but for the most part, it’s unimportant.

“Things” can be replaced. “Things” can end up having more priority to someone than who they have in their life. Memories are what is important. Memories are what help us thrive. Memories, both good and bad can make us appreciate what we have.

We all get bogged down with day to day life, forgetting to make ourselves a priority let alone someone else. But it can be the best thing and it’s worth making time for.

Memories are irreplaceable. πŸ₯°

Much love xxx

I hope you read this one day β€

So here I am. Instead of getting your snacks ready for tomorrow or ironing your uniform, i’m having a moment.

Tomorrow is a big day for you and it’s a big day for me too.

You are off to School. You’re 5 and a half (the half is hugely important) and your academic journey is about to begin properly.

You’re nervous.

I’m nervous.

You’re excited.

I’m excited for you.

I remember my first day of school (unbelievable I know as you constantly remind me that i’m old 🀣) but I do. I remember the butterflies in my tummy, the excitement of the unknown. Making friends, learning new things, getting to sit at a school desk. Nowadays they seem like trivial moments but you will be on cloud 9 tomorrow. I promise.

You are so outgoing, a quality I am so envious of, but I was the same at your age. Being able to see the good and magic in everyone and everything. You are so good at that. You melt my heart.

I don’t know how i’ll be tomorrow. As a parent I always accidentaly wish your life away. From the moment you were born I imagined you walking. From the moment you walked I imagined you talking. From the moment you talked (and haven’t stopped talking since πŸ˜‚) I imagined you going to school. How you would find it, if you would like it.

But now it’s here. The moment we put on your uniform and your Dad and I wave you in, our hearts gushing with pride. I promise i’ll try not to cry infront of you and embarrass you.

Don’t get me wrong, there are days when you absolutely do my head in and I can’t wait until I have time to myself πŸ˜‚ days when we bicker and fight, days when i’m exhausted and you don’t stop talking, days when you’re grumpy with me for no reasonπŸ™ˆ

But you’re my best friend. You’re the thing i’m most proud of in the whole world and deep down, i’ll be lost when you’re at school all day.

There will come a time in the future when i’ll let you see this. Maybe this is your first day of Uni, if that’s the path you chose. Maybe it’s your wedding day, or your first day of work. I’ll read it to you when the moment is right.

I just want you to know how much I love you. How proud I am of you and how excited I am for you to be on this journey. You will have ups and downs. You will make best friends and have massive fall-outs. You will have days that are brilliant and days that are rubbish. And on all of the days good or bad, I’ll be there to listen. To help. To support you and if needs be, challenge another parent if their kid is being a butt face πŸ˜‚

I want you to enjoy every single second. The past 6 months have been really trying for everyone and you have handled it all so well, I know you’ll be just fine.

Go tomorrow, flourish, absorb and continue being the positive kind, sassy soul that you are.

Be kind.

Be happy.

Do your best and that’s all I can ask as your Mum.

This is a new chapter in both of our lives. ❀ I have to let you go a little bit. I don’t know if i’m ready for it but you are. You are sooo ready. And tomorrow, just enjoy it. Enjoy being surrounded by children again. Enjoy playtimes and reading time and whatever else they do these days.

It’s an adventure, and I can’t wait to hear all about it. πŸ₯°πŸ₯°

Now, i best go and chop the carrots into sticks as that’s all you’ve been going on about for the past few days πŸ™„πŸ€£

Much love xxx

Feeling free ❀

As an over thinker and worrier, I’ve always struggled to completely let myself go. Physically and emotionally. Worrying too much about what people think of me and I know i’m not alone in that.

In a strange way, lockdown has brought with it a security blanket. Not going out means not having to worry as much about what i’m wearing, whether my eyebrows are “on fleek” or if my arms are out. (See previous blogs about bingo wings) πŸ˜‚

It’s also brought with it a new relationship. Something I never saw happening. Loads of friends said “It will happen when you least expect it” and to be quite honest, I thought they were talking crap πŸ€·β€β™€οΈπŸ˜‚

But it HAS happened. There he was, under my nose the whole time. Someone who already, in such a short space of time, has allowed me to be completely myself. For the first time in my life I don’t have to worry. He has seen me at my worst and still didn’t judge. When my self-consciousness and sadness has been at the forefront-he didn’t run.

Within a couple of days, I felt more relaxed, more comfortable. Without even knowing it he has given me the ability to be unapologetically me. Whether i’m dolled up to the nines, or whether I have birds nest hair and no face on- he looks at me the same way.

It has been an intense rollercoaster. It’s been scary and wonderful all at the same time.

I get it now.

I get the way i’m supposed to feel about myself, and about someone else. I understand it finally. The butterflies, the lust, the kindness, the freedom. No expectation to be something i’m not. No pretending to be something i’m not. God it’s surreal. I keep expecting to waken up….or for him to come to his senses πŸ€·β€β™€οΈπŸ˜‚ but I feel secure.

Happiness, contentment, understanding and feeling wanted are flippin’ brilliant feelings to have. 😁

Freedom. To have my bingo wings flailing about without worrying. Freedom. To tie my hair back if it get’s too crazy which would have been unheard of before as it hides my face . Such small things in the grand scheme of everything going on, but hugely important. Freedom to sit without covering my waist. Freedom to say what I want and how I feel.

I think most important, I now have the ability to let someone in, and I have. ❀

I have no idea what the future will bring, but I know that i’m excited about it….complete freedom. Sounds pretty good to me 😁

Much Love x

Thankful.

I’ve started writing a blog so many times recently, but I haven’t finished it because they have mainly been about fear, anxiety and negativity. There has been so much of that with everything going on that I didn’t want to add to it.

Today though….today was different. Why? Well because it’s my birthday πŸ™‚

A day that’s usually just like any other but I knew this one would be different being a “lockdown” birthday. Instead of being negative and worried, i’ve been focusing on the good things.

My beautiful, loving 5 year old daughter who, despite her whole life being so different right now was still so excited about giving me my present this morning. Who has adapted so well to all the changes. Who has put up with me on days when i’m really struggling. I am so thankful for her.

My family. I’m not ashamed to admit that even as a fully fledged adult myself I still love going to my mums for a birthday tea 😍 This year was different but with her having a huuuuuuuuge garden, we were still able to go an visit whilst keeping our distance. I am thankful.

Work. Yes, the thought of having my alarm set for 5.30am tomorrow for a an early shift and the constant worry of either taking the virus in, or bringing it out is always at the forefront of my mind. I am still able to work and i’m thankful for that. ❀

My Friends. Goodness me am I lucky. I have taken for granted going for lunches and coffees with them all. Not anymore. Texting, facetiming and interaction on social media can sometimes seem a bit…well…..second nature. Liking a post, sharing a post is sometimes done automatically without actually paying full attention. How thankful I am for all forms of social media at the moment. How thankful I am for the messages, calls and interactions that help to remind me that i’m thought about and that we are all going through this together.

For not sweating the small stuff. As a serial over thinker, it can be the “small stuff” that stresses me the most. Finding time to make appointments to go to the beauty salon for that all important but painful “tidy up”. Having to go to the supermarket AGAIN because i’ve forgotten the one thing I went in for. I’m ok with those things just now. I’m ok that my bikini line is so out of control, there isn’t even a line there anymore πŸ™ˆπŸ˜‚πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ I’m ok if I forget something from the shop….i’ll just use up what I have in. πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ It’s forcing me to be a bit more creative ( although not with the bikini jungle…other than put in a pigtail or take some hedge shears to it I don’t really know what else to try) πŸ˜‚ but it’s ok because nobody sees it anyway. See? Look at me maturing and looking at the silver lining. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Health. I am so so thankful that I still have my health and that this virus hasn’t taken hold of anyone close to me. I may have a kitten any time Martha clears her throat and ram a thermometer in her ear, and I may worry constantly day in and day out like everybody else but that’s human nature in times like these. I try not to let it overwhelm me. I’ve had my wobbles and my nights of crying uncontrolably but not today. Today was good.

That’s right. Today was good. I didn’t worry about the virus, or the fact that my health eating was going out of the window for a day. I ate carbs and it was good πŸ™‚ I spent the day surrounded by the people who mean the most to me in the whole world. Not physically, but they were there all the same

So as I write this, glass of wine in hand, pubic hair down to my knees and bloated from the complex carbohydrates that are ruining my digestive system πŸ™ˆπŸ˜‚ I am thankful. I am happy. I am smiling. What is normally a mediocre day has been a really special one. I’ve really felt the love and I will be paying it forward

Be safe, be kind, be present. Take one day at a time and know that tomorrow should be better. We might not know when this will end, but it will.

Have I told you you’re amazing? Well you are! And don’t bloomin’ forget it. ❀

Much love. Xx